So Far So Good

In the summer of 2007 I began smoking. It started with the intention of helping my brother quit. Yes this is a stupid reason. I was living with my brother after my ex-fiance moved to Wisconsin to work for Land's End Clothing Co. He had decided to quit smoking, which I though was awesome. He asked me if I could help him finish off the pack he was currently smoking. Wanting to do anything I could to help him I picked one up and lit it. I liked it.

My father had smoked since about 13 so It wouldn't surprise me if I was genetically predisposed to enjoy this. Anyways, after the pack was done we crashed for the night and the next day I began down the road that eventually ruined my relationship with my ex. I became a smoker. Not much at first, but eventually I climbed to the pack a day I do now.

It was socially a first until I began managing Bob Evans Restaurant in Branson, MO. Then it got worse. It was a great stress reliever. It mellowed me out.

Robin, my ex, didn't know I smoked. I hid it very well. In November of 2007, at a friends wedding, she found out and I promised I wouldn't do it again. I stopped for a week while she was back in WI. The temptation was too great and I started again. I smoked up and til and including when Robin and I were back together in February of 2008 and when we broke up in February of 2009. I never stopped. It was so wrong of me to do that. I think she could have dealt with it better if she knew. At least she could have helped me quit. I know she would have.

She was a wonderful person. Intelligent, Funny, and Beautiful. But my sin of lying to her about it led me down a road in which lie after lie was used to cover things up. I became a horrible person. I threw away one of the greatest things to ever happen to me. I don't know if I will ever truly get over it. I only pray that some day she will be able to forgive me. And that God will be with her since due to my selfish actions I can not.

I did learn my lesson however. And I will never repeat the actions of that relationship.

So today is the day I have decided, finally, to quit smoking. I've been 10 hours without a cigarette and so far so good!

Lord be with me now as I face this demon, for it is a powerful one. It is an addiction and a temptation that has ruled me for some time. I ask forgiveness for taking this road and ask that you be with me as I throw off this layer of darkness from myself. Fill me with you light and replace the darkness in my body. Your grace and glory are far more powerful than anything that could try to take hold of me. Lord be with me and protect me. Amen!